i am here to mourn again. i am feeling restless. very weak. alone and embarrassed. can you hear me, stranger. yet again, destiny played its part very nicely and i am at the losing side. i am again the person who is questioning the system, it ways, accusing it of arbitrariness and claiming her dues. i scored higher marks than the cut off but interestingly my name is not in the list of those selected candidates. one wonders in such situations. should i laugh or cry. i did both. i thought, i’ll get fellowship since my score is higher than the cut off, now i’ll concentrate on other favorite subject i.e. international law. in fact, today only, i got one book issued from library thinking that will finish it within 2 or 3 days. unknown to me, some else, sitting in delhi, making stupid typographical errors decided that i can’t read it for the time being. strange! isn’t it?